Bottom of the ninth. Last out. Home stretch. The feeling is exactly the same.
My time on board this ship is coming quickly to an end. Within two weeks, I’ll be on my cheery way back stateside. It feels identical to how it felt last time, going home and all. I feel apprehensive, anxious, happy, stressed, a huge twine ball of different emotions. Compounding this is the fact that my time of service is drawing to its end as well, I feel as if I’m winning the lottery, and I know it.
There are so many things to prepare, paperwork to fill out, appointments to schedule, things to move, people to see. It’s almost overwhelming. Thankfully, though, I’m one step closer to achieving something I desire. Hawaii is right around the corner, my trophy, my prize. I can almost see it now, golden rays of sunlight glinting majestically off it’s polished corners. A marvelous chalice to mark the end of one adventure, and the begining of another.
I know of a lot of people that are going to be disappointed with my decision to move, once again, so far away. I know of a lot of people who are excited for me to move back to Hawaii. I feel bad that I’m still going to be so far away from home, as I’ve been for the past five years, but I just can’t see myself living anywhere else right now. This is something I need desperately. I’m a lost merchant in the desert, searching for my far-off oasis to quench an imeasurable thirst.
I need this time to do things for myself. I’ve spent much too long doing things for others, sweating and bleeding and putting my heart into other people and things. I’ve got a few scars that I still need to heal. Unfortunately, I’m a little more calloused and colder than I used to be. I think the embrace of a warm Hawaiian sun and azure-crystal water will wear those callouses away, and once again thaw out my soul.
What will be waiting for me when I’m done? What adventures and new discoveries lie in wait?
I anxiously await the answer…
.//chris