Just another day now.
You know, I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Things most people have never done, been to places most people will never go, and gone through more than my fair share of paradigm shifts. I’ve met people from all walks of life, from the cultural elite sitting on riches, to third world beggars, scraping to get by. I’ve been with quite a few lovely girls, but only loved two of them, and I’ve since learned that at my age commitment just isn’t the right thing for my life[it’s taken me twice to learn that - shame on me]. I’m a pretty easy going guy who’s done a tremendous amount in a short time, and it takes a lot to get me upset. I’ll accept just about anything, so long as I get a reasonable explanation for it. And that’s what leaves me pondering late at night. To me, things just don’t add up in a coherent way. It really seems like something is missing, some piece of the puzzle that doesn’t sit right. And, yeah, it concerns me, but not in the way one might think. Rest assured, I have no desire to attempt to rekindle old flames, or reignite a love that has passed. That time is gone, but I thought the past could be put behind and we could have a meaningful friendship based on the enjoyable times we used to have. What bothers me is this: the thought of that doesn’t disconcert me. Why should it you? I’d really like to just be friends, to share a laugh, while accepting that we’re both different people now. Being different people doesn’t mean we have to avoid each other like some kind of horrific pestilence.
But in the end, it’s not my place to try and force the hand of fate, nor to try and affect the will of another. What will be, will be, and I’ve learned in the past few years to just roll with the waves instead of rack myself against them fruitlessly. I’ve grown enough to not let the past haunt me. I just think it’s a shame to let something that could be good go to waste.
I’m curious, though. How do you feel?
.//chris