blog@thechrisbrowningexperience

So I started a Lomography site. It’s fledgling, but I like the interface more than I like using Word Press. Go figure.

Lomolite

.//chris

You know, I’ve done a lot of things in my life. Things most people have never done, been to places most people will never go, and gone through more than my fair share of paradigm shifts. I’ve met people from all walks of life, from the cultural elite sitting on riches, to third world beggars, scraping to get by. I’ve been with quite a few lovely girls, but only loved two of them, and I’ve since learned that at my age commitment just isn’t the right thing for my life[it’s taken me twice to learn that - shame on me].  I’m a pretty easy going guy who’s done a tremendous amount in a short time, and it takes a lot to get me upset. I’ll accept just about anything, so long as I get a reasonable explanation for it. And that’s what leaves me pondering late at night. To me, things just don’t add up in a coherent way. It really seems like something is missing, some piece of the puzzle that doesn’t sit right. And, yeah, it concerns me, but not in the way one might think. Rest assured, I have no desire to attempt to rekindle old flames, or reignite a love that has passed. That time is gone, but I thought the past could be put behind and we could have a meaningful friendship based on the enjoyable times we used to have. What bothers me is this: the thought of that doesn’t disconcert me. Why should it you? I’d really like to just be friends, to share a laugh, while accepting that we’re both different people now. Being different people doesn’t mean we have to avoid each other like some kind of horrific pestilence.

But in the end, it’s not my place to try and force the hand of fate, nor to try and affect the will of another. What will be, will be, and I’ve learned in the past few years to just roll with the waves instead of rack myself against them fruitlessly. I’ve grown enough to not let the past haunt me. I just think it’s a shame to let something that could be good go to waste.

I’m curious, though. How do you feel?

.//chris

Aha. So, it’s been quite a long time since we’ve last met, eh blog? Please, allow me to blow the dust away from your neglected pages. *pfoosh!*

So, allow me to recap all that has transpired, and boy, there sure is a lot to tell.Finished deployment, and made an uneventful trip back to the states from Singapore. I then checked in to Transient Personnel Command, or TPU, which is the Navy’s version of hell on earth. I did meet a nice girl there, though, and we dated for a little while before I left San Diego.

A few weeks passed, and suddenly, without realizing it, I was on my way home to majestic [in it’s own charming little way] Cincinnati, Ohio for a visit with friends and family. The trip home was more than I hoped it would be. I had such an enjoyable time [probably because I wasn’t rushed]  and did many exciting things.

• Shot guns with Ben Franzosa
• Went off-roading in the wilderness, getting the Jeep stuck, and initializing a lighting strike rescue operation
• Saw a Red’s game
• Had many a bonfire [s’mores were plentiful]
• Reminisced with all my old friends, and created some wonderful new memories together
•  Went climbing and Krav Maga-ing with Erik, Nick, and Chris
• BBQ’d
• Took lots of pictures
• Went to the Newport Aquarium with my sister
• Took a trip to Rhode Island to visit with  my father and evil wicked step-mother
• Visited a colonial village
• Took a tour of Battleship Cove, a mueseum of old Naval vessels which was amazing

And many more things too numerous to mention. The summer was going so well, fun-filled, and exciting, that when a tragedy struck it took us all by terrible surprise. Our dear and beloved friend, Robbie, took his life late June, leaving us all in shock and bewilderment. Robbie was such a wonderful person and very well loved in our circle of friends, and why he chose to leave us is a mystery. A few days before he died, Robbie was over at my house, along with a cavalcade of other friends, drinking beer, talking by the bonfire, playing poker, and eating the tremendous amounts of food my mother was throwing our way. It was such a wonderful evening, we all were having fun, and suddenly having him gone is a loss that will take us all a very long time to recover from.

Unfortunately, I could not stay any longer in Ohio to support my friends who were mourning Robbie’s death, and began my trip back to Hawaii. The plane ride was brutal, a gauntlet of stamina that I had to endure to claim my prize.  Did you know they don’t give you food anymore on airplanes? You have to pay for it, and it costs almost as much as your plane ticket did [blame the economy].

But, alas, my love was waiting as I circled from above, bathing in a golden sunset and surrounded by an azure veil of brilliance. I gazed longingly at her mountainous crests, dashed with cottony, lumbering clouds, and got lost in her endless green jungle eyes.  So then had I reached my destination and felt the weight of the world slowly melt and trickly off my sunkissed shoulders.

Now, I am finally settled in, have met with old and dear friends I have not seen in years, and am preparing for another fantastic journey. I don’t know what will lie in store, and the uncertainty is exhilarating and new to me. I’m eager to find what new paths I will walk, and the destination that they will inevitably take me.

.//chris

My time on board this ship is coming quickly to an end. Within two weeks, I’ll be on my cheery way back stateside. It feels identical to how it felt last time, going home and all. I feel apprehensive, anxious, happy, stressed, a huge twine ball of different emotions. Compounding this is the fact that my time of service is drawing to its end as well, I feel as if I’m winning the lottery, and I know it.

There are so many things to prepare, paperwork to fill out, appointments to schedule, things to move, people to see. It’s almost overwhelming. Thankfully, though, I’m one step closer to achieving something I desire. Hawaii is right around the corner, my trophy, my prize. I can almost see it now, golden rays of sunlight glinting majestically off it’s polished corners. A marvelous chalice to mark the end of one adventure, and the begining of another.

I know of  a lot of people that are going to be disappointed with my decision to move, once again, so far away. I know of a lot of people who are excited for me to move back to Hawaii. I feel bad that I’m still going to be so far away from home, as I’ve been for the past five years, but I just can’t see myself living anywhere else right now. This is something I need desperately. I’m a lost merchant in the desert, searching for my far-off oasis to quench an imeasurable thirst.

I need this time to do things for myself. I’ve spent much too long doing things for others, sweating and bleeding and putting my heart into other people and things. I’ve got a few scars that I still need to heal.  Unfortunately, I’m a little more calloused and colder than I used to be. I think the embrace of a warm Hawaiian sun and azure-crystal water will wear those callouses away, and once again thaw out my soul.

What will be waiting for me when I’m done? What adventures and new discoveries lie in wait?

I anxiously await the answer…

.//chris

After much deliberation, contemplation, and declaration of the emancipation proclomation, I have decided that I’m going to take a little risk and move to Hawaii. Why is it risky? Well, I’ll be moving to an isolated island, for one. And you never know what might happen. But, I’m overdue for a long vacation, and I really need this. More than anything right now.

After being deployed for so long, I’ve begun to lost sight of a lot of things. I feel like my character is turning gray and flacid from disuse. I don’t have the engagement and stimulus that I need, and I want to get back to the place I used to be happy at and recharge my batteries. I really developed into a person that I enjoyed being in Hawaii, and that’s why my desire to return there is so great.

I think what it boils down to is that I need to remove myself from this enviroment, and soon. I’m doing things I normally wouldn’t do, thinking and dwelling on things that I normally wouldn’t. It wears on you, and grinds your psyche down to a blunt and useless object. I need to sharpen it back up again.

And so it has been decided. I think I’ll find what I’m looking for there.

.//chris